Sometimes it the opposite women have forgotten how we are and the constant nagging of life and kids and work make it impossible to be intimate. His Dad was an alcoholic and abandoned him at a young age, only to show up later and tried to buy his love. Empty of tension. Hi Kandi, I don't think you are out of line at all - it sounds like it's a very difficult situation that you are in. Therefore I always looked very slim and had small boobs. It makes me a dirt bag, I know. Ive heard about so many other women who have experienced this. Im trying to forgive him. Hes looking at these women with massive boobs and I have like A-cups. He slipped up once and said he didnt have a porn problem before we got together. When a man cant get it up for his woman, it doesnt mean hes not interested in her. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 44, 22992310. It gets a notification, guess what he made a secret Twitter account following all those girls he lied to me. And sometimes I had the thought: What if that window could be open all the time? He always turns things around as my fault and then gets angry and leaves the room. We were high school sweethearts. Make the effort to look attractive for each other. Recently we had a huge fight and I had him arrested and retained an attorney, to file for divorce. It doesnt matter if your 24 and 110lbs or 50 and 170lbs. My husband is originally from here. Such as ive been working a lot, its hard to be into you when youre in pj looking like a grandma, you were having stomach issues or lately its because he is insecure. Its something about how our brain is wired, much like eating fast food changes our chemistry, porn can affect our intimacy (and many women who work with me report that they can tell the difference in their man when he is or isnt viewing porn). In every way else he loves me. As time goes on, most couples find their rhythm. To me I love the sensuality of it all, sex is more than an hour event for me, I find myself thinking about touching every inch of my wife, I enjoy to give massages, every touch for me is electricity. We have both put on weight over the years, gravity it taking hold, some stretch marks are involved. Friendship: When No Response Is a Response, The Nature of Language: Mishearing and Miscommunication. Not saying that I have to be perfect, but at least making an effort to show that I care about myself, my health and the physical aspect of our sex lives. She could be depressed. By Hara Estroff Marano published December 31, 2007 - last reviewed on June 9, 2016. in this article I did not promote porn, instead, I encourage each person to decide and I do point readers to resources on the harms as well as the possible upsides. He comments, Honey, its resting in a good spot and youre messing it up. I know hes not tired, so of course Im thinking the worst. When we have tried been intimate the connection is not there anymore.. Maybe he has performance anxiety, maybe hes become very into sexual favors and not sexmaybe theres something else. Action is powerful. The thing however is that I really like him and miss him. People tell me I am attractive.I dont think its me. I love him! Your partners response says a few things: I want him to without me even having to ask. She points outs that I am the weirdo because she could have sex everyday i am happy with once a week. About 2 years ago I cheated on him, it was nothing emotional but rather me needing a sexual relationship. Life is too short. Since men cant talk about womens weight, theyll try to ignore the issue and, in turn, avoid looking at your naked body. My husband doesnt invest in me neither he talks about our future plans nothing at all so I felt like he doesnt love me anymore I confronted him by asking him if he is no more attached to me and he denied it that he still loves me .we argue all the time .during sex he takes he bath and sleep in the sitting room I just dont understand him he totally changed .what should I do ,? 5. He leaves the room , I cry start calling for him or the nurse or anyone because I was scared & in pain & didnt know what to do. I am 53, hes 54. I wanted to have sex with my husband. Ive tried dressing sexiereverything I can think of..but he still prefers masturbation. I know its not the same, but maybe hell realize he needs to pay attention. I go to the gym, try to dress nicely, wear sexy things. Relationship chemistry is complicated and can fluctuate with stress, depression, a trauma bond, the loss of a family member, the birth of a new child, financial stress, and many other factors. I guess I love the idea of controlling how she orgasms. Just sharing a resource. We waited almost a year though! And I cone across this receipt for over $400 in this stuff he bought. Murray S. H. & Brotto, L. (2021): I Want You to Want Me: A Qualitative Analysis of Heterosexual Men's Desire to Feel Desired in Intimate Relationships, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, DOI: 10.1080/0092623X.2021.1888830, Bogaert, A. The question isnt so much does this kind of marriage last but rather, is this the kind of marriage I want to create and be in?. How many men looked at their wives in disgust after the Super Bowl and said to themselves, if she would just eat a couple of salads and do JLos workout she would look like her. There is a LOT of money invested in why she looks like that at 50. My husband and I are in our 50s and we've been married only five years. We are happy now. I know he loves me, but it takes more than love to sustain a healthy, long lasting marriage. How do I handle this? This points me to wonder what if she stopped drinking, got more motivated, and showed the relationship (and her life) more enthusiasm and interest? We dont get much time together. And now Im thinking about this, like is this because he thinks im not attractive? Remember, he is easily replaced and maybe he needs to feel this in order to see your worth. Lanae I am sorry to hear that your relationship changed so dramatically after getting married. Crappy place to be in and truly hurting. My husband also makes it no secret that hes not attracted to larger women. The only way he listens to me is only after I get to the point of yelling to get his attention. But I noticed he was looking at pornographic photos of naked women. God bless you. The truth is though Im lonely and I resent him for being so self absorbed. Same with how she looks. 4 Stages of Adult Development: Where Are You? I think its like weve become family but not as a couple. Im really trying not to text him, I wrote. I just don't want to be anywhere near her. Although he is a great provider our relationship isnt going great otherwise. So, I initiated sex tonight. Luis I would really like some input on this situation as Im literally sitting in limbo with my relationship. So many men are so shallow. Cookie Notice Hed tell me hed only be out with his friends for an hour, be home in an hour or 2 and I wouldnt be able to get ahold of him or hed block my calls or yell at me for calling and hed be gone until 4am, even started saying he was just going to get a lottery ticket then hed hope in his buddies car and theyd be out all night & Im sitting at home thinking he got mugged walking to get lottery or something terrible happened. Please do yourself a favor and stop blaming you and quit trying to fix yourself for someone who isnt worth losing yourself over. He wont buy his own clothes and complains he doesnt have any nice stuff so i get them for him (we have a joint bank account). To fix a broken marriage, its always advised the couple learn how to spend more high-quality time together. To feel like our partner isnt invested in creating something better with us, but somehow is just coasting and wont work to make things better. I am 48 years old and I am at cross road in my life that only sees me moving forward by myself. Im a 39 year old woman and ive been married with my husband for five years (and almost three before). I want to say you something that totally killed me and I cant stop thinking about it. I hope you can talk to your husband before you take any other radical steps. @yahoocom. If you tell me Im so beautiful, but then you wait for me to leave to Look at chicks who have big fake boobs and are 20, sorry, dude, you dont know what it is to be a man. NY Times came out with an article citing research that shows most married couples gain 15-30+ lbs once they are married. One of my biggest complaints is that my husband doesnt make me feel desired. After that, theyre fully engaged and into each other. Hold on to that light inside you. I have quite curly and unruly hair. So now Im like, if he lies about that what else does he lie about? You need to see your worth. In that moment, I couldnt control myself, couldnt calibrate. Starve me, I will hunt elsewhere. I feel like Im doing all I can, trying, trying to get a bond back between us, grasping at our relationship and he just keeps getting mad at my efforts and then rejecting it and telling me be better, be different and he goes and watches a girl shake her ass on TikTok wearing nothing but a bikini that leaves little to the imagination especially when shes dancing. Plus getting off on other women just screws everything up. I guess understanding also that he used to be a highly sexual person and that changed dramatically after I became ill in about 2012. I just needed to get this out.. I tried my best to keep my husband from getting too sexually frustrated by making sure we had sex at least once a month, with some other play etc. I had the same situation~ GOD Bless you honey. Roll back when she was younger, she had 100s of boyfriends starting at an early age. I feel he is only saying this in order for me and him to resume being together permanently, because he doesnt want to be alone. We can too easily fall into a rutI work until Im so tired that I just crash at the end of the night, and my husband enjoys movies until he is tired. Id always thought been taught that my capacity for sexual desire was bad, and wrong. My weight is just a few pounds less then when we met which at 56 is 133. One assumes that the average individual would have to know that the reason your spouse was interested in you, and actually married you was because they found you attractive. This is the case even after he reaffirms his love to you by words; even after he tells you he loves you. Maybe he is gay (or indecisive). All the nights Id layed at home alone worrying about him while he was playing games, once in 22 years has he mentioned me as the Mrs went to ?? If you need help talking to your partner, it can help to hire a professional who knows how to make communication easier. Try to remember the things that you love about each other. Even in your response, I see one clear statement: I am trying really hard and my wife doesnt reciprocate. He takes his time and makes sure to take care of me before himself. When your partner doesnt kiss you very often, its a sign something has shifted. But the past tactics only got you so far. Hi Samantha- this must be very difficult for you and I really sympathise with your situation. You do realize that there are women out there who feel the same way when their husbands let themselves go right? Everything back to normal now.. we have reguler sex once in a week or once in two weeks. I kept falling for him, and he for me. He said that he is experiencing low T and has urinary issues. But in my husbands eyes I had turned into Jubba the hut!! This is your soulmate. I am always initiating. It's a mysterious package, delivered by subtle sensory clues. And he is not paying attention. Or was he, on the rare occasions he slept in the bed instead of on the couch, putting his headphones in and rolling over? I thought he just didnt have a sex drive. Our children are happy and thriving. Well, he said everything under sun except for the truth of why he was treating me like a responsibility the real truth is me, wife got fat after kids. This is killing me. When I bring it up he just gets mad and storms out without talking about it. Life becomes so mundane that the concept of romance may seem whimsical at this point. When he says, "Well, divorce me, then!" ask him if he really means what he is saying because there may be another option . You both need to feel wanted. I am here if youd like help discussing this, and then support in making this conversation happen and work with your partner. You don't want for him to be sorry that he brought it up. He says there is nothing wrong but I feel differently. Participants liked their partners to take a more dominant role. Those men never loved you. He has shared 2 ejaculations with me in almost a year of intimacy. At the time, I categorized this as bad behavior. Not having to touch myself during our intimate time to get off or whatever. Intimacy is an incredibly complex subject and I appreciate you adding to the dialogue. Privacy Policy. It hurts so much. Happy to be of service. Your article is absolutely 100% spot on. A place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage. No husband realistically expects his spouse to be a perpetual 18 year old, size zero nymphomaniac capable of being contorted into pretzel shapes, subsisting on high protein diet provided by his manhood and being willing to endure every advance of his choosing. If your husband has stopped investing in the partnership, its a vital sign that hes disengaged and something is awry. I really appreciate you reading this and letting me vent somewhere safe. My spouse suddenly has absolutely no libido now and says hes working on it with his doctor but I dont foresee anything positive coming of it. Its emotionally destructive and women are the victims. I thought about everyone Id had sexual tension with while Id been married, and called them up. I am not proud of it and do struggle with it from a morality standpoint, believe it or not. Of course I took our marriage seriously, and wanted it to last, and so I just kept waiting. And Troy and I went into my room, and he sat on my bed, and I lunged at him and then we kissed and I thought, its too bad this wont happen again, because this is how I want to be kissed. The remainder were mainly in long-term committed relationships. I straighten it every now and again. Heavier and still beautiful. You figure, "If they love me, then I'll feel loved." Unfortunately, it doesn't work this way. How is communication outside of sex? I wanted to feel desired. I feel so embarrassed, weak and rejected right now. Ive turned into a really mean almost man like begger. Can we talk about whats going on?. Getting the input and guidance of an expert is the fastest route to fixing the core issues. I would love to get some help with a conversation about how to handle transitioning away from marriage. Sexual rejection, lack of emotional connection with their partners, and physical ailments are three common causes of low sexual desire in men.